On May 31, the Committee of Jewish Law and Standards (CJLS) of the Conservative movement’s Rabbinical Assembly formally approved the wording of two ceremonies to sanctify same-sex Jewish weddings. In a vote of 13-0 with one abstention, the CJLS took the historic step of officially enabling gays and lesbians to take their proper place in partaking of all Jewish life cycle events.
The Reform and Reconstructionist movements have allowed rabbis to perform same-sex marriages since 1993 and many Conservative rabbis had officiated at same-sex weddings well before the recent decision, encouraged by the 2006 ruling that gays and lesbians could serve openly as rabbis and cantors.
Significantly, neither of the two ceremonies approved by the CJLS uses the term kiddushin, the formal Judaic term for sanctified marriage. As Naomi Zeveloff, writing in the Jewish Daily Forward (June 15) points out, “In substituting kiddushin with partnership law, the rabbis borrowed from the Brit Ahuvim, or Lovers’ Covenant, created by Reform Rabbi Rachel Adler.”
Zeveloff quotes Rabbi Adler on the CJLS decision: “What it does basically is to move marriage out of property law and into partnership law.”
Some supporters of inclusion will no doubt find the lack of kiddushin problematic, thinking it is a second-class form of marriage ceremony. Others, like Michael Gennis, find that aspect heartening. Raised in Ottawa at a Conservative shul, Michael and partner Bob Birnbaum married in 2010 in an Ottawa Jewish same-sex officiated by Rabbi Steven Garten of Temple Israel.
Gennis found something admirable about the same-sex ceremony approved by the CJLS being different from the traditional heterosexual one.
“I am thrilled that the Conservative movement has taken the bold and necessary step to ensure that not only are same-sex unions recognized, but that they are recognized as unique, and obviously deserving of a unique ceremony, one that isn’t necessarily a variation on the existing ceremony,” Gennis told me.
As the Forward article notes, some straight couples may even turn to the same-sex ceremony as a way to transcend some of the more problematic gendered aspects inherent in the traditional male-female ceremony. I know that I, for one, closed my eyes and swallowed hard before working my way through the wording of my Aramaic ketubah, modernized slightly by the addition of the Lieberman clause which is intended to prevent agunot (women tethered to marriage because their husbands refuse to grant them a get, or Jewish bill of divorce). I was reminded of this at a recent family wedding when the rabbi announced that in the Jewish legal context, the bride was akin to property. The audience tittered uncomfortably.
The Conservative movement is a big-tent movement, which is both a strength and a challenge. As such, gays and lesbians are still subject to the predilections of their particular Conservative congregation and/or rabbi on the matter. As anyone involved in the management of a shul knows, the rabbi, while officially being mara d’atra (final arbiter for the congregation in interpreting religious laws and rules), the preferences of the board and ritual committee loom large in policy making.
Until now in Ottawa, parents at Conservative shuls with gay children have known that at some point, their shul will have to reject them. Sure these children can be members. But, if they want to marry their beloved, they will be turned away. Whether this will change with the new ruling, is an open question.
Agudath Israel does not currently perform same-sex com- mitment ceremonies, nor is there a specific timetable for this to come under consideration. However, we are committed to a policy of inclusiveness and we view this as a work in progress,” wrote Agudath Israel President Jack Klein in response to my question to each of the local Conservative congregations on whether they would allow same-sex wed- dings.
Beth Shalom President Ian Sherman declined to comment “pending further review of the ruling and our policies by our ritual committee and then the shul’s board of governors, all under rabbinic guidance from Rabbi [Scott] Rosenberg.”
Many gays and lesbians are understandably drawn to Reform and Reconstructionist Judaism. A spirit of inclusion is a powerful draw, and justifiably so.
Beth Shalom President Ian Sherman declined to comment “pending further review of the ruling and our policies by our ritual committee and then the shul’s board of governors, all under rabbinic guidance from Rabbi [Scott] Rosenberg.”
“Since we do not have a full-time rabbi on staff, we do not have any weddings,” responded Adath Shalom Co-president Paul Adler.
Many gays and lesbians are understandably drawn to Reform and Reconstructionist Judaism. A spirit of inclusion is a powerful draw, and justifiably so.
But just because someone Jewish may be romantically drawn to members of their own sex says nothing about their theological commitments or their preference for a particular worship style, or for a particular spiritual community within Judaism. Some gays and lesbians prefer Reform and Recon- structionist Judaism, and some prefer Conservative Judaism. Still others, like Rabbi Steven Greenberg, are fighting pas- sionately for their place in Orthodox Jewish life, a process proceeding much more slowly.
On the heels of the new CJLS ruling, who will be the first same-sex couple to approach a Conservative rabbi in Ottawa to officiate at their wedding? And which shul will be the first to take part in the most exciting inclusion innovation to come out of the Conservative movement since women were granted equal access to the seminary? The way I see it, Ottawa’s first Conservative Jewish same-sex wedding will be a sacred day, not only for the betrothed, but for the whole community, which gets to welcome the couple to the community in the way straight couples have long taken for granted.
The door to inclusion in Conservative Judaism was blown open with a gust of commitment to diversity. Now, we just need to walk through it, together.
**A version of this is appearing in this week's Ottawa Jewish Bulletin**
